The Truth Behind Unplugged Weddings (and how to keep everyone happy)

I may have a slightly skewed outlook on the world. My life revolves around weddings and wedding photography so while my social media has been flooded with articles lately titled “You’re a Bad Person if You Don’t have an Unplugged Wedding”, maybe this issue hasn’t reached the broader population yet. Okay, I might be slightly exaggerating on the titles, but the sentiment is there – bloggers and photographers are out there declaring war on guests with cell phones and cameras at weddings and I’m here to call a truce.

So let’s talk unplugged weddings for a second. Yes, there are many “pros” to having an unplugged wedding, the two that are most talked about are these:

1. Your Guests aren’t Present in the Moment
Asking your guests to sit down their phones and cameras and actually enjoy the big moments of your wedding is a noble gesture. But it is just that – a gesture. I myself had an “unplugged wedding” where we asked guests to put their phones and cameras away during the ceremony and respect the professionals we had hired to document our day. Some people listened, some people didn’t. Every “unplugged” wedding I’ve ever been to still has at least 5 guests snapping pictures throughout the entire ceremony, leaning in to the aisle to get the shot, and standing right beside (or in front of) me during the cake cutting. Those people aren’t going to listen to a sign or a friendly announcement from the officiant and they’re not worth getting upset over.

2. Your Guests will Ruin Photos
The potential for guests to “ruin” a photographer’s photo is very real. I’ve had guests step out in front of me during key moments of the day, I’ve had ill-timed flashes go off and blow out a perfectly good photo, and I’ve had guests shooting over my shoulder during group photos meaning that Aunt Kathy is looking at them and not at me in every. single. photo. The true frustration here is that these things generally happen during high pressure moments of the day – the bride walking down the aisle, the first kiss, family photos, the cake smash, and the grand exit. These are moments that I can’t get back so if a guest ruins a photo I may not have a second chance. The struggle is real, but I’ve also had every one of these examples happen to me during an unplugged wedding.

I’m starting to sound like one of those photographers who hate wedding guests, so let’s talk about the “cons” of an unplugged wedding:

1. Your Guests’ Stories aren’t Told
You hired your photographer because you liked their style – the way they capture memories and tell the story of your day. Your photographer’s goal is to document your wedding day in its entirety, but they’re going to be focused on you, the bride and groom. Yes, we try to make rounds to all the tables and capture small moments as they happen, but we can’t be everywhere at once. We will miss stuff. That is a fact. I created a hashtag for my wedding so guests could add their photos to my memories of the day. So while I never saw my aunts and uncles taking that group selfie in the back, I know it happened now because of social media. I cherish some of the photos that were snapped through a phone’s lens – they could never replace the photos my photographer took, but they’re a nice addition to the story. There’s a reason you invited all of these people to your wedding. You wanted them to have fun and be a part of your day, part of that means letting them enjoy it in the way they want.

2. Some People won’t be able to Attend 
This is the one example I always point to when everyone’s raising their picket signs against phones and tablets at weddings. I’ve photographed a wedding where the bride’s sister was serving in the armed forces and was unable to physically attend the wedding. So a laptop sat in the front row and Skyped the entire ceremony across the country. If your great aunt is too ill to fly in for the wedding, have a family member Facetime with her during the ceremony. Technology can be used to bring people together and allow friends and family members be a part of your day, even if they can’t physically be there with you.

Here’s my point: as much as wedding day should be about the bride and groom, it’s also about the family, friends, and loved ones you have with you to celebrate your big day. With everyone carrying around a camera in their pocket the lines can get blurred. Short of confiscating everyone’s devices, there is no way you’ll achieve a real “unplugged” wedding, but I do believe there can be a happy medium for photographers, brides and grooms, and guests alike.

 1. Ask for an Unplugged Ceremony
This one’s for the guests – let everyone know that they’re more than welcome to take all the selfies they can handle and document every aspect of their drunken dances during the reception, but ask for them to stay in their seats with their phones in their pockets during the ceremony. Be sure to let you guests know that you’re willing to share the photographer’s photos after the wedding too so they’ll be less anxious about documenting the day themselves.

2. Hire a Second Photographer
This one’s for your photographer – the majority of your guests will listen to your request to keep their phones away during the ceremony and they’ll respect your photographer’s personal space during the rest of the night, but for those handful of guests who might be oblivious to the woman standing behind them with the giant camera, hire a second photographer. So when a guest jumps out in front of me during your sparkler exit and I miss the shot, I can rest easy knowing my second photographer got it instead.

3. Be Understanding When Thing Go “Wrong”
This one’s for you – it’s possible that your guests will still pull out their phones and accidentally “ruin” a photo. This goes for anything that might come up during your big day: things might go “wrong” but it’s not worth a second thought. Keep smiling, keep laughing, keep making memories. This is your day and no matter what happens, you’re marrying the love of your life. The rest is just something to look back on and laugh.

Keep smiling!
Kaylina